Life Happens For You Not To You
One of my most favorite quote by Tony Robbins.
One of the most powerful statements I read which changed my entire perspective towards any life’s situation. I’ll explain this below. I’d want you to read this in a quiet place and feel free to reflect upon your life for a moment. Please do this for yourself!
So what does this even mean?
Let me explain – You may have had life situations where you felt completely sunk or a heavy pit in your stomach. Times when you may have felt lost, lonely and hopeless. (I.e. I felt lost and hopeless toward my future because I was searching my individuality back in Nigeria)
And in that moment, you start to blame everyone including yourself. Nothing seems to make sense. You start to question your existence? Your self-esteem and trust in your decisions. Nothing seem to work.
And the BIG question – “WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME”?
This question weigh us down because we believe that life is happening to us whenever something bad happens. Now when you put forth this question, you are directed to the challenging side of life. May be the blame you place is either self-inflicting or you blame it on your partner, parents, boss or may be a friend.
You silently end up digging the past, doubting the future and start an irrelevant conversation in your head about life. “I always have had a tough life, “why can’t I ever be happy?”, “Why can’t I lose weight like everybody else?” (i.e. “I never get things easily in life”, was my verbatim).
Here is a shift that you can make by simply changing your words. Instead of asking, “Why this is happening to me? Ask – “What the universe wants me to understand?” Or “How is this making me a better version of myself?” or “What character strength am I to discover after this moment has passed?”
When you switch the wordings, three most profound things you will witness.
- Firstly, you change your status from being a victim to feeling in control of your life. (Gosh, I clearly remember I would feel frustrated , lost sight of all good stuff in my life that was forever present and indulged in playing a victim, seeking sympathy and acknowledgement for all the things I did for my family, my kids etc.) When I realized that I own my powers no matter what, I started noticing the wonder of life. I became mindful of my negative dialogues. Started including meditation, yoga, spending time in nature, whatever I felt drawn too to help me stay supported because mental chatter doesn’t stop immediately.
- Secondly, you notice the “GOOD”. (i.e. I noticed the myriad of opportunity I had to travel the world, take time to self-explore living a quiet life I had in Nigeria. Who has the time to stop on their way to the gym and notice flowers in real life? Who has the time to watch their kids fall asleep in their arms while you are watching movie with them? Who has time to sow, pluck and harvest fresh produce from your garden while you share such beautiful experience with your kids? Who has the time to sit in the morning reading their favorite book while listening to the rain falling on the ground? I cultivated so much gratitude for all that I already had that it completely overshadowed the things that was making me sad and gloomy.
- When you start cultivating presence in the now, you genuinely start living in the present, you start living more of the joyful moments on a very ordinary day. (I.e. before all that wasn’t available to me in Nigeria, was the highlight of my day, my being. When I started living in the now, I felt that the daily chores were more pleasurable, I could connect with others with more grace and it led me to taking small initiatives in my life such as taking free yoga class for my community on the Island I lived at the time. That doubled my happiness quotient and self-worth).
Thus, any incident good or bad- is shaping you into the person you’re meant to become. It’s what you choose? Life happens for you not to you!!
Which one of the statement would you choose? If you still choose the latter, it’s time to change your mindset. Are you ready to change your mindset as we embark on 2023?
Write to us if you liked what you read above. Your feedbacks and comments means a lot.